I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
