Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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