i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
