Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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