She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I came so hard my ears popped.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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