I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
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