I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
