she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
