Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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