i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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