the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
