I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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