Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
