Well douche your snatch and let's go!
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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