Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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