Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
