Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
