omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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