just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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