im holly from the hills drunk
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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