I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
