my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
where are my eyebrows?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
