She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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