it was like eating out sand paper
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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