It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
