The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
