We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
