Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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