Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
