I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize