I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
is it fun? or sober?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
