Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
