some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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