i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
