Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
