I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
