Someone shit on the floor
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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