I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
