Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I just googled if crying burns calories
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
