DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
