there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
