You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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