I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
