omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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