Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
