her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Randomize
