trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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