im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
