I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
