SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
