No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
